“JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG”...“BUD UP BUP”

It’s funny that when you get older you think back on the things you used to do.  Most of the time, my thoughts consist of “what the hell was I thinking?!”  But nonetheless, they make for great stories.  My friend Abby and I ALWAYS sang together when we would ride the bus to school.  We were middle school age—you know the worst time to be “different” in school—and we were just that; “different.”  For how shy we were in actuality, when we were together it was like no one was around.  Every morning was like an “act” for us.  We sang Joy to the World (aka Jeremiah was a Bullfrog), classic hits from Grease, and other various songs that just seemed out of place to be belted out in the early hours of the morning on a bus. 

I was in charge of singing the main lyrics as Abby added the backup parts to the song…  Me: “JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG” Abby: “BUD UP BUP” Me: “WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE” Abby: “BUD UP BUP” etc etc…  I even recall looking up the lyrics to some of our songs just to make sure we were performing at our best. Yes, we were that awesome.

Everyday we would belt out these songs thinking we were the only ones that heard them. 

Random kid: “Ummm can you sing a little softer?”

Us in response: “WHAT?! We’re not even singing that loud!” 

Yes, other kids on the bus would ask us to sing quieter. Yes, we were putting on an act for the whole bus and we never realized it…until we were older.  Had we had known that, we probably would have never sang because that was just out of place for us two shy girls. Still to this day—yeah I said that like I’m super old— whenever I hear any of those songs I always think back to the bus and all the kids we probably annoyed the hell out of. Success. 

Pavlovs Dog & Weird Habits

You know how over time things just become habit? Kind of like Pavlov’s Dog where sometimes you don’t even realize they are habit?  Well, I am so used to getting in my car a certain way that it has become habit for me.  Weird right?  Getting into the car? Habit?  Are you drunk?!  Yes, these are all relevant questions to the habit of getting in the car.  I never realized it was a habit of mine until the day came where I had to get into the passenger’s side of my car.  My mom was going to drive my car because I had my hands full and just didn’t feel like driving.  She gets in the drivers side and I try to get into the passengers side.  This could quite easily have been a “Peter Griffin” moment or a “special person” moment for me. 

There I am, caught up in the confusion on how to get in my car...“I’m so used to putting my right foot in first, BUT it would make more sense to put my left leg in since I am on the right side of the car?” …”But I’ll try the right foot anyways.”  Yes, these are seriously the thoughts going through my head.  So I try putting my right foot into the car first only to realize it has me facing the opposite way of the seat.  “What the hell am I doing?” I think.  So I try to get in the car again.  This time I think, “what if I sit down first then pull my feet into the car?”  I do a spin outside the open door of my car and just think, “this does not feel right/normal!”  Finally I get over my “special moment” to just sit in the passenger’s seat and I realize how hilariously stupid I had to just look. I never knew that just sitting in the car would be such a complex ordeal for me?!   

Haunted House

If you know me, you know I like to scare people and play pranks.  So it wouldn’t be a shock that one of my favorite jobs I’ve had was being a “monster” at a haunted house.  The pay was only $20 a night, it was 5 minutes down the road from our house and they fed us pizza.  Quite the gig if you ask me.  The other benefit was two of my sisters and two of my friends worked there too, so between scares we would run into each other’s rooms just to dance and goof off. Also I was always this old man mask so, with my height (5ft exactly) and my fabulous dance moves; I was quite the sight to see. 

Yes, it was an amazing job, but it did have its downfalls.  One of them being the late hours… Lucky for me the room I “scared in” had a mantle piece that I would lay across and sleep on.  I don’t know how I managed to not fall off of that 12 in mantle piece and was never discovered sleeping, but let that tell you, I obviously had some amazing skills.   The other (more humorous) downfall of being a “monster” was the fact that people always called my sister, Angie, and I, midgets.   Sure sure in most peoples’ minds if you’re 5ft tall or you have to look down at the person then that = midget (when in actuality the midget cutoff is 4.11 in). So I can understand the difficulty in distinguishing the few inches of the midget cutoff, especially when we were in masks, which could have as likely made us 12 year olds or dwarfs…but no, we were midgets.

As most people would—or at least the people in my family—Angie and I came up with a few ideas in reputable to being called “midgets.”  The first was entirely Angie’s idea.  In our “scare room” there was a staircase that gradually got smaller the closer you got to the top (kind of like the hallway in Willy Wonka).  Well anyways, when people would start walking through our room Angie would stand up at the top of the staircase repeating, “I’M A GIANT! I’M A GIANT!”  And would mosey on down the stairs to the people.  I found this quite humorous because the people walking through would see how crammed she was at the top and then she’d walk down the stairs for them to discover she’s a quarter of their size.  “Wait, wasn’t she saying I’M A GIANT?”  Clever. 

But our best idea to the “midget” name-calling was the totem scare.  That’s right, the totem scare.  The totem scare was one hell of a process and it took awhile for Angie and I to perfect it.  First we would wait to hear people coming, run to the staircase, I get on Angie’s shoulders, and the really tricky part; balance.  Our first run of the totem scare did not go so smoothly.  We heard the people coming, ran to the stairs, I got on Angie’s shoulders, and as the people were walking in…we fell to the floor and laid there laughing. “Umm should we come back in?”  Was their response – as we both still laid there laughing.  “Yes, let’s try this over again,” we told them. So they went back in the hallway and we “re-hid” to scare them. 

Being a “monster” is a job I will never forget and one that I still practice to this day; in front of the mirror, with friends and family, and yes, of course…scaring strangers. Also, I have perfected my ability to stand like a statue and will be adding it onto my resume skills. 

Heal Kick in Dress: Awesome Move Right?!

Growing up in my family we always had random dance parties.  It was inevitable, someone would put on some music, move the couch, and all us sisters would gather to dance.  One particular day I thought, “Hell yeah I’m going to spruce up this dance party and put on a dress.”  I know, I legit thought that.  So up I run to join the fabulous dance party with my sisters in my long dress.  We’re all throwing down new dance moves and I have another awesome idea; “Heal Kick Baby!”  Caught up in the moment I kick up my right leg only to have the sudden realization of this horrible heal kick idea.  The long dress tugged and whipped my left leg out from under me, for me to fall flat on the floor.  Then there’s that awkward moment where everyone looks at you after doing something stupid and you try to play it off like “Yeah wasn’t that cool?!”  So that’s exactly what I did.  I got up, still dancing, and gave my sisters the look like “Awesome move right?!” 

Eh…at least I can make myself laugh.