Walking Sidewalks

Ah yes, the beauty of the walking sidewalk randomly placed throughout airports, but what purpose do they really serve? Yes, they give you super hero walking speed, yet they are only 2 feet long. Okay, 2 feet may be an exaggeration, but really they're never long enough to truly get you anywhere. After two steps you're back on solid ground and feel as though you've gained all gravity back. There is a certain appeal about the walking sidewalk though and God forbid if anyone just gets on it and stands there. "Really? These are meant to give you two super speed walking strides!  Yes, just two, but you're just standing there?! Drunk!" It instantly makes me angry when I see the people just stand on walking sidewalks.  It feels like a waste; they'd be the people with cool powers that would just stand there saying, "Oh X-ray vision? Yeah I got that, but I want to fit in and seem normal." Waste. Get off my walking sidewalk you wasteful turd. 

Stages of Sickness

Every time I get sick there is always those stages I expect. First off --and my least favorite is --the sore throat. Then the itchy throat and eyes, running nose, and last is usually the cough. Then there is that other stage I always forget about, which happens to be the most challenging.  Mouth breathing. There is no way around it as your nose is fully clogged up and every attempt to nose breath has you gasping for air. The very act of mouth breathing is so unflattering  it makes you feel like a 300 pound fat man gulping down air. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Maybe I"ll try to breath through my nose...barely get a suck of oxygen. Gulp. Let's not forget the challenge of eating while mouth breathing. Every bite you take is like a test to see how long you can hold your breath and if you even think to savor any part of the food for too long you find yourself sucking in air after the fact. Or of course there is the other option to sloppily chew with your mouth open, which solidly fits with the fat man attitude. Whatever sickness it may be I always love finally get over the mouth breathing phase where I can enjoy eating without gulping down air.

Night Vacuuming

You know what I've always wondered about?  Why are there lights on some vacuums?  Is this for when you're vacuuming at night and don't want to wake anyone up? "Oh no I can't possibly vacuum right now because I'll wake everybody up by turning on the lights!"  Guess again dear friend; there is a light put so conveniently on the vacuum for that! For we all know that it will be turning lights on that wakes everyone up in the house when you're trying to night vacuum.  Not the vacuum roaring itself.  That is all. Clean on you night vacuumers!